Dear Friend,
I don’t know who you are. You could by my closest love or a person I will never meet but I suppose that sort of thing isn’t really important right now, since I am just writing this out so you can know a little bit about me. I hope it’s not too boring for you, but you don’t have to read it. I promise not to be offended, only grateful that you have even gotten this far.
I don’t know whether I’m a simple person or a complex being, but I guess you can decide that for yourself. I am the type of girl that looks at life through a camera lens and tries to figure it out by creating words with a pen on little scraps of paper. I spend a lot of time thinking, too much for my own good probably, but I guess it helps me pass the time.
Most nights I lie in my bed for hours on end, just hoping for some sort of closure. I stare at the ceiling with my eyes wide open, begging for a star to appear for me to wish upon. I toss, I turn, and I pray to God that I can fall asleep before morning comes. But just because I cannot sleep, does not mean I cannot dream.
I believe in too many things or maybe not in enough of them. I cannot tell if I have no backbone or if I have the straightest spine of anyone I know. I guess it would depend on the day, and the instance that I am focusing on. I’m a bit of a hypocrite.
My wrists crack, my back is sore, and my eyes blink more than the average person. My head aches, my hips sometimes fall out of their sockets, sometimes I forget to breathe, and my lungs have trouble moving air. I even have allergies to more things than the number eyelashes you possess. I guess most things on me don’t work correctly. I am broken, but I am still going, despite the things that tell me I should fall. I guess I’ve always had a problem listening to other people.
I have spent most of my life searching for something, even if I don’t know what that something is. There have been times where I have stopped searching, thinking that I’ve found whatever it is I spend my time looking for, but it always finds a way to dissipate between my fingers. I’m just happy to have had it in my life at one point in time.
I have a tender heart that I wear on my sleeve. My capacity for love, people have told me, if far greater than most people have in their bodies. I don’t think I’m really anything special. That’s the point. Other people are, so why wouldn’t I love them?
In a world of beautiful people, I just have a hard time fitting in. I have a hard time finding my spot where I fit so perfectly. I have a hard time knowing where I should be. Do I belong in a land with erect buildings and millions of people, each with their own teeming brain and beating heart? Do I belong in a world with vast skies containing colors I didn’t know existed? I don’t belong anywhere, I belong everywhere. Time to move on.
I believe in love of every variation. I have fallen in and out of love at reasonable volumes, but I don’t think that a person can ever really stop loving another. I know that love exists, I know I have had it, but I have a hard time telling how much of it has been unrequited.
I have a hard time letting go of the past and I hope this does not prevent me from experiencing my future. I stand with my back against the wall watching, and maybe this keeps me from participating. I hope it does not.
Always, I am either living life in the shadows, or directly in the center of it. Polar opposites, two extremes, that is how I do most things. I am one thing, or the other. Completely contradictory most of the time, all of the time, but that is how I am. Extremely guarded, or an open book. I guess it just depends on how I look at things on each individual day.
Shine Vella, shine! I worry that I do not. I want to shine like you Vella. Words I did not write. Ideas stolen from the minds of the innocent exterior of a girl I’ll never know. Never say never, we could become something someday. It’s hard to say, without the eye that sees into the future.
Have you even learned anything? Will you ever learn anything? Will I? I doubt it. I doubt I will learn more than what is expected to be memorized. What is spewed from the mouth of a serpent and imprinted onto fingertips by brail bumps for the blind. I wonder if I will ever learn anything real.
I fear that I am fake. That is one of my largest fears. That and things others find ridiculous. That and being alone. Fear is in the heart of love, I am always looking back. I am always looking back. Just one more chance love, please just sing me to sleep.
Love Always,
Kaela
I don’t know who you are. You could by my closest love or a person I will never meet but I suppose that sort of thing isn’t really important right now, since I am just writing this out so you can know a little bit about me. I hope it’s not too boring for you, but you don’t have to read it. I promise not to be offended, only grateful that you have even gotten this far.
I don’t know whether I’m a simple person or a complex being, but I guess you can decide that for yourself. I am the type of girl that looks at life through a camera lens and tries to figure it out by creating words with a pen on little scraps of paper. I spend a lot of time thinking, too much for my own good probably, but I guess it helps me pass the time.
Most nights I lie in my bed for hours on end, just hoping for some sort of closure. I stare at the ceiling with my eyes wide open, begging for a star to appear for me to wish upon. I toss, I turn, and I pray to God that I can fall asleep before morning comes. But just because I cannot sleep, does not mean I cannot dream.
I believe in too many things or maybe not in enough of them. I cannot tell if I have no backbone or if I have the straightest spine of anyone I know. I guess it would depend on the day, and the instance that I am focusing on. I’m a bit of a hypocrite.
My wrists crack, my back is sore, and my eyes blink more than the average person. My head aches, my hips sometimes fall out of their sockets, sometimes I forget to breathe, and my lungs have trouble moving air. I even have allergies to more things than the number eyelashes you possess. I guess most things on me don’t work correctly. I am broken, but I am still going, despite the things that tell me I should fall. I guess I’ve always had a problem listening to other people.
I have spent most of my life searching for something, even if I don’t know what that something is. There have been times where I have stopped searching, thinking that I’ve found whatever it is I spend my time looking for, but it always finds a way to dissipate between my fingers. I’m just happy to have had it in my life at one point in time.
I have a tender heart that I wear on my sleeve. My capacity for love, people have told me, if far greater than most people have in their bodies. I don’t think I’m really anything special. That’s the point. Other people are, so why wouldn’t I love them?
In a world of beautiful people, I just have a hard time fitting in. I have a hard time finding my spot where I fit so perfectly. I have a hard time knowing where I should be. Do I belong in a land with erect buildings and millions of people, each with their own teeming brain and beating heart? Do I belong in a world with vast skies containing colors I didn’t know existed? I don’t belong anywhere, I belong everywhere. Time to move on.
I believe in love of every variation. I have fallen in and out of love at reasonable volumes, but I don’t think that a person can ever really stop loving another. I know that love exists, I know I have had it, but I have a hard time telling how much of it has been unrequited.
I have a hard time letting go of the past and I hope this does not prevent me from experiencing my future. I stand with my back against the wall watching, and maybe this keeps me from participating. I hope it does not.
Always, I am either living life in the shadows, or directly in the center of it. Polar opposites, two extremes, that is how I do most things. I am one thing, or the other. Completely contradictory most of the time, all of the time, but that is how I am. Extremely guarded, or an open book. I guess it just depends on how I look at things on each individual day.
Shine Vella, shine! I worry that I do not. I want to shine like you Vella. Words I did not write. Ideas stolen from the minds of the innocent exterior of a girl I’ll never know. Never say never, we could become something someday. It’s hard to say, without the eye that sees into the future.
Have you even learned anything? Will you ever learn anything? Will I? I doubt it. I doubt I will learn more than what is expected to be memorized. What is spewed from the mouth of a serpent and imprinted onto fingertips by brail bumps for the blind. I wonder if I will ever learn anything real.
I fear that I am fake. That is one of my largest fears. That and things others find ridiculous. That and being alone. Fear is in the heart of love, I am always looking back. I am always looking back. Just one more chance love, please just sing me to sleep.
Love Always,
Kaela
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